i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
