I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
