He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
