Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
