I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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