I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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