As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize