He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
