I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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