the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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