dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
