i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
