"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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