when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
