Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just google imaged poop.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
