yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
