the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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