You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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