We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
