I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
