this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
