Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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