i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
