i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
