Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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