He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
