Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
