The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
