Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
