Michael Bay diarrhea
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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