Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
