I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
