woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
