i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
