How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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