remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
