She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
