just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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