you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
