This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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