I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
