Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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