We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
