Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can I color on your dick again?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
