I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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