What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
