Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
