It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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