I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
