Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
