Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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