apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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