In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
