ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
