I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
