Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i love accidental penises.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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