so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
