come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
