i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
