I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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