After last night, I could never be a politician.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
