So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
