I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
