are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
