its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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