I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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