I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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