Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
