Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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