How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize