I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
