You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
