Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
