i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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