Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
