I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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