how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
