I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
