Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
