my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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