Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
