I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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