I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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