Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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