OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
