just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sry I called you an 8
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
