yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
