therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
